I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize