you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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