We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
