This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
