I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
