I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
