dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
