Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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