Your mouth is God's brothel.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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