So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
