Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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