Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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