my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
