Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
