How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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