it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
