Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
