I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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