well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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