Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
