How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
