and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize