and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
