She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
