just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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