..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
