I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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