New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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