Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
