from now on my penis is your penis
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
