Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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