He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
