My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
