I think scott just propositioned me for sex
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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