Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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