I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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