my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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