why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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