i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
