just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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