AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
