my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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