At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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