I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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