You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize