We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
