i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
