We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize