So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
