Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm like, not good at living.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
