That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
