Your face is a jimmy john
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize