please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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