Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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