If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize