i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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