i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
