lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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