dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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