Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
