at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
