That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
