his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
