Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
