I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize