idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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