How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
